The Word-of-the-Week this Wednesday is ‘demisexual’.

‘Demisexual’ is a sexual orientation that describes a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

For every demisexual person, the nature of the ‘bond’ they have with someone before they feel sexual attraction can differ. Some demisexual people might feel sexually attracted to someone after many years of knowing them. Others might feel sexually attracted to someone after knowing them for a short period of time, but creating a bond with them nonetheless.

Commonly, people ask, “but isn’t it normal to want to get to know a person before wanting to sleep with them?” Demisexuality differs to this situation. As the resource below states:

“There’s a difference between feeling sexually attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them. Sexual attraction isn’t something you can control—either you have sexual feelings for someone or not. You can’t force it to happen and you can’t force it to go away, so you don’t have a choice in the matter. Sexual behavior, on the other hand, is something you can choose to participate in, or not.

Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction regardless of whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive people on the street, classmates or coworkers they’ve barely spoken to, or celebrities. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for a variety of reasons: it might not be feasible or appropriate, they want to make sure the person is respectful and kind, it’s against their religious beliefs, they only want to have sex in a romantic relationship, etc. The difference is that demisexuals don’t start out with these sexual feelings at all”

The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual.

Take a look at this great resource centre for more information:

Image by Michelle Avenant

Image by Michelle Avenant


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